So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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