Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
