WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
