too bad you live with your parents still
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
