You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My ass is underappreciated
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
