Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
