please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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