Im at strip club and am horny
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
