I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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