i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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