I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
