STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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