Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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