...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
