grandma shit on top of the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize