fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
