its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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