I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
