youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
