I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
