my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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