There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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