oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
