Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
