Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
