How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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