i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
