I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
