i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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