I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
