never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
