Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
