i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
