We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
