piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
