And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
