Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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