Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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