The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
