New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
