god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize