so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
