I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
