Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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