I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
