The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
