everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
