Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
