Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
