his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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