I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
