they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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