I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
