words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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