Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
