I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
