then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
