There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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