yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
