she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
