my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
