I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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