The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
