I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had sex on a roof
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
