I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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