but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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