I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
