I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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