This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
