Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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