I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
