There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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